By Rachel Hall | Dentist B.Ch.D (Uni Leeds), LDSRCS(Eng)
All my life I wanted answers, answers to the big things like: why am I here, what is my purpose, is there a God, what does it all mean, where was I before I was born and so on, I’m sure you get the picture…
I was an inquisitive enquiring child with an unquenchable appetite to know and learn, who was told to shush or not to be so silly when talking about her feelings or things she could sense going on around her.
Even though I graduated high school and University with top marks and a plethora of qualifications to show the world I was well educated, I still had no answers to my deep burning need to know who I was, why was I here and what was the point of it all. To me it seemed there was no one who really understood life and I would just have to make do and get on with it like everyone else.
I pushed through life, driven to succeed but always with an all consuming ache sitting below the surface, I tried to ignore it, numb it out with food, work, alcohol, exercise, or completely bury it with my intellect and a busy, whirring mind full of incessant chatter. Despite my best efforts to ignore what I felt, the anguish of there being something missing and the feeling of there has to be more to life than this, was always there.
I started to read books on religion but after only one or two chapters knew I wasn’t going to find my answers there, I read a few self-help books and they too fell short of what I was searching for. I even tried a handful of practitioners and dabbled in different new age modalities which all left me cold, devoid of answers and reeling from the sense of knowing these people who were supposed to be helping me were just as lost and unsure of themselves as I was.
But then I met Serge Benhayon at a workshop a friend had recommended I go to. He struck me as a quiet, simple, unassuming man with a strength of presence I had not seen before that left me feeling both very safe and overawed all at once.
We started the day by closing our eyes and taking three gentle breaths and in that instant everything changed. My body felt less constricted, my breathing calm and steady with a warmth in my heart that was simply bursting out of my chest, coupled with an inner-voice that kept saying ‘this is it, this is what you’ve been missing, this is who you are, this is home.’
Most of what was presented in the workshop initially went over my head, I couldn't get my mind around it like I normally would – but my body completely changed and surrendered, and nothing else really mattered. I sat there with a unwavering sense of who I was, why I was here and a knowing that I was with and from God when I realised I had tears pouring down my face.
These were not tears of sadness but tears of joy, the joy of finding what I had been missing my whole life and in that moment everything made sense.